This post was long overdue. After my ouster from Pakistan Army there was strong propaganda against me that I somehow planned it. The Commandant of the 503 Workshop, recommended me to the psychiatrist with three main observations: isolation, immotivation and suspicion. I very well question his motive for inventing the isolation clause. If I happened to be solo in office and mess room it did not mean I am in isolation. My rooms were never locked from inside and people were visiting me in both the places. Brig Mansoor had written that I was popular among the course mates. Did the psychiatrists bothered to ask the Brig Mansoor Ahmed that how I was in isolation and still popular among my course mates. The clause was purposefully fabricated to coincide with my ultimate positive cannabis abuse test. The test came positive without taking my urine sample as discussed in this blog post. Obviously the Commandant and the uniformed psychiatrists had corroborated.
The immotivation clause is highly questionable. I will narrate two incidents. I was detailed for some inspection/maintenance related task in some PAF base at Karachi. I was ready to go. Then at the last moment I was replaced by another officer without assigning any reason. Then I was detailed as a member of a court of inquiry. The unit adjutant told me that there was considerable evidence against the NCO according to the statement of NCO’s wife. I told the adjutant that according to the rules the statement of wife could not be used either for or against the husband. What happened next, I do not know.
The suspicion clause was dead right and should be at the top of the list. My main delusion regarding names as some sort of code words started with the his name. I was judging people based on their names, Islamic history, actions and past events. I came close to creating a mutiny. I had passed the orders for disobedience to one officer. The officer was placed above me mysteriously.
When I was taken to hospital I came out of the psychiatrist’s office in anger. I was overpowered by the staff present outside of the office. I was taken towards the closed ward of the hospital. Along the way I was pushed towards the cemented floor and given an injection. The concerned psychiatrist reached later. This clearly indicates that the preparations were in place with the ‘injection’ before my arrival. Next day I experienced severe uncontrolled movement of my tongue and froth started coming out of my mouth. I throwed the plates of food in extreme desperation. Then I was given another injection that controlled these side effects. Next day I refused to take injection. I was severely man handled by the staff and was tied to bed with the straps after administrating the injection. I never felt so helpless throughout my life. When tied with the bed the scenes from a horror movie ‘Faculty’ started flashing in my mind that was shown to me by one of my course mates. I developed severe feelings of hatred feelings of hatred towards that individual though in later year I suppressed them. Later I developed same side effects and given another injection that controlled them. I took last two injections on my own will as I had come to conclusion by that time that I was having some psychotic problem.
The ‘main side effect’ of the injections was on my potency as discussed in this post. I am sorry to say that they were meant for the same very side effect. They were intended to disable me. I do not know what the hell this Hippocratic Oath is that every doctor is supposed to take. Even the trainee lady psychiatrist who was evaluating me, was aware of this ‘special’ side effect and tried to ‘tease’ me indirectly on the issue. The side effects of the injections were so severe that some time later I offered my prayers in such condition that I was not able to move my tongue properly. I have so much disrespect for these two doctors.
Sometime later I expressed my feelings of extreme depression of contemplating about suicide to the psychiatrist. There was not even a single question for understanding as to when and why I developed those feelings. I was given Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) commonly known electroshock (bijli ke jhatke) treatment. This is considered a controversial treatment as discussed in this Wikipedia article and is given as last resort. There was supposed to be informed consent from the patient. While consent was taken there was no informed part as about its risks. I have no hesitation to say that it worked.
Later I grilled heavily one of the psychiatrist about my disease. She told me that she knew that it was your right but the other psychiatrist would tell you. Obviously she did not want to take the ‘credit’ of my diagnosis. The other psychiatrist had the least time to discuss with me. Earlier I had read an encyclopedia article about schizophrenia and reached the conclusion that I had this disease. Sometime later the other psychiatrist told me about this illness and I was well prepared to listen that. But he did not mention that I had the ‘unshakeable belief’ of considering myself to be Imam Mahdi.
Brig Mansoor Ahmad had written in his observations that I was popular among my course mates but unpopular among my seniors. He wanted to create the impression that my course mates were sincere to me. The truth was the other way round. One of my course mates was closely spying on me. He came upon with the idea that I had the ‘unshakable belief’ of considering myself to be Imam Mahdi. Now I realize that why he was placed along with me throughout my Army carrier as an officer. God has His own plans of justice.