I had the first break of the disease in 2005. I remained admit in hospital for a year. I had the major relapse of the disease in 2009. I avoided getting admitted in hospital this time. One of the main features of this relapse was that I thought that even if I had the disease, even then I was special. I thought that I was very famous. People all over the world were following me. They were not doing it openly so that I can spend my normal life! The starting point of this relapse was first big hallucination that I narrated in this post. I thought that end of the world was very near. I attached special significance to the PMA incident. I thought that I was being tracked actively by world intelligence agencies after this incident. In this post I will discuss some aspects of my relapse.
The disease schizophrenia was very special to me. I thought that the God had grand designs with it and the three Abrahamic religions i.e. Judaism, Christanity and Islam. I developed this idea after reading that one of Einstein’s sons had schizophrenia. I told my father about it. His immediate response was,”Do not make me Einstein.” I thought that Einstein’s son, John F Nash and I were three special cases of schizophrenia.
Eduard Einstein was very intelligent and had musical talents. He started to study medicine to become a psychiatrist, but by the age of twenty he developed schizophrenia and institutionalized two years later for the first of several times. He died in an asylum at age 55. Then came John F Nash, whose story is beautifully depicted in award winning movie “A Beautiful Mind.” The movie is based on his mathematical genius and struggle with schizophrenia. John F Nash was given Nobel Prize in economics in 1994. After a Jew and Christian schizophrenic there came a Muslim. I thought myself to be John F Nash of Islam. I even thought that I was more famous than him because of PMA incident! All will tell that I was very intelligent!
John F Nash considered that he has a role like Islamic concept of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) as the messenger of Allah and the founder of Islam. I thought that my grandfather was Jesus Christ (PBUH), founder of Christianity. I though myself to be Beast for a while. I was falsely labeled as considering myself to be Imam Mahdi. While John F Nash’s delusions were based on news and pictures, my delusions were based in addition to the names of people. The main theme of both of us was the tussle between good and evil forces. I think we exposed the bad people with the help of our delusions!