More on Personal Front

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Recently I suffered a personal tragedy. My father died on 14 August 2010. It was a moment of great grief for the whole family. In an earlier post I have mentioned the dates of births within our family. He was born on 4 July 1947. The 4th July is the Independence Day of America. The year was independence year of Pakistan. He died on the Independence Day of Pakistan. It was also the holy month of Ramadan. May his soul rest in peace. Aamen

He was a patient of Asthma for 40 years. In December 2004, he suffered a sudden, severe heart attack. Earlier this year he was diagnosed with liver cancer. It was the last disease that took its toll. Despite all these major diseases he performed his duties with utmost responsibility. He fought with all these diseases with great courage and gratitude till the last day. He had a big heart. On 7 August, his daughter got married. He was unable to attend the function. He got admitted in POF Hospital on early morning of 13 August. When a nurse came to inject some medicine in his veins, he warned her about the danger of germs with these words, “This is not an ordinary blood.” He was right. He breathed his last in early hours of 14 August.

In his later years it was my disease that had shaken him badly. Even in his last days he was concerned about my rehabilitation. He used to say to some of his friends, “Badar’s disease has eaten me up.” He was the first to ascertain that I had some psychotic problem. In all these years, he supported me fully. In 2006, I was in very depressive state due to my diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia and had suicidal thoughts. He once remarked, “[if you commit suicide,] where will I go?” This sentence struck my heart. He even used to play ludoo (a dice game) with me to divert my thoughts. In 2009, I had a major relapse of the disease. It was during this phase that I showed considerable disrespect to my father. He handled it with patience and consideration. Gradually I recognized my fault. In 2010, while I was on a path to recovery, his health was deteriorating rapidly due to cancer. When he died, I was in a much better shape to handle the pressure of responsibility. God has His own plans. May Allah help me to pass through this difficult patch of my life.

He was not a religious person per se. Yet he had a very firm faith in Allah. He used to say that if God wanted him to offer prayers and do fasting; He would not have given him the disease. It is with this sentence in mind that I wrote the following sentence in previous post. If God wanted me to marry, He would not have given me such an extra ordinary disease at that juncture of life. He was very particular about Zakat (the alms). I dispatched his share of Zakat on 1 Ramadan to his native village. It reached after his demise.

He used to maintain a diary, in that he used to maintain various happenings of the family. It also recorded the addresses, dates of births, deaths and marriages within the family besides other information. I started my ‘own’ diary during cadet ship. It is full of mathematical formulae. It has one section of quotations also. In it I wrote down the last quotation a few days before his death. It is by Helen Keller. “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” Occasionally I also SMS quotation to a few of my friends. My second last SMS was this quotation by Rabindranath Tagore. “Man’s body is so small, yet his capacity for suffering is so immense.” His life was a prime example of both of the quotations. I would end all this with an Urdu poem by my favorite poet Majeed Amjad.

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2 comments on “More on Personal Front”

  1. Your entries touched my heart. I hope that you have found peace and joy. I admire your courage to bare your soul through this blog. I hope to read more of your entries. 🙂

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