As I have mentioned earlier I never had a feeble belief of considering myself to be Imam Mahdi, yet psychiatrists chose to write that I had such an ‘unshakeable belief’. The words ‘Imam Mahdi’ were never uttered either by me or any of the three psychiatrists who evaluated me. I had only a brief session with the Head of Department of Mental Health in early 2006. I started by mentioning that I used to consider my grandfather to be Jesus Christ (PBUH) and that there was going to be a battle between good and evil forces, an obvious reference to Armageddon. He grilled me about my role in that battle. I replied that I used to consider myself some sort of a sign of Judgment Day. I am convinced that other two psychiatrists purposefully fabricated this opinion. I have other reasons to doubt the sincerity of psychiatrists that I will narrate in a future post. I always admitted that I had the psychotic disease but never had the belief of Imam Mahdi. The two psychiatrists treated me as if I had a medical problem rather than psychotic problem!
Somewhere in 2007, I needed the medical board proceedings for some official formality. I went to MH Rawalpindi to get that. There I read the official opinion of the psychiatrists for the first time and was taken aback. Two psychiatrists had written in their opinion that I had an ‘unshakable belief’ of considering myself to be Imam Mahdi. One of the psychiatrists who wrote the opinion never interviewed me for a single minute! He obviously wrote it by going through the papers. I do not know whether it is a standard practice or not. Then I expressed my surprise to my father. He told me that one of the psychiatrists had told him about that. My father mentioned that Badar had never expressed such an opinion. On this the psychiatrist replied that they had their own ways and means to ascertain that. In mid 2009 I tried to determine the source of this opinion but was unsuccessful. Having refuted the opinion of psychiatrists, I did give some thoughts to concept of Imam Mahdi that I will narrate now.
This incident happened when I think I was in 7th grade. We were living in flats. A boy in ground floor floated the idea that we should offer the prayers collectively at home and started necessary preparations. His parents should have discouraged that practice but their only excuse was that he was their only son. In one of the prayers I was asked to lead the prayer. I showed a bit hesitation and it was accepted. On one occasion I was forced to accept their demand. I lead the prayer as imam. The practice was discontinued after a week. This incident never bothered me until 2005. Every Muslim is aware of this hadith regarding end of times. Imam Mahdi will be leading the prayer when Jesus Christ (PBUH) will descend from heaven. Imam Mahdi will offer Jesus Christ (PBUH) to lead the prayer but he will decline. I thought that such a situation was intentionally created to label me as Imam Mahdi or Jesus Christ (PBUH) in later life. It convinced me strongly that our family is under close watch. I became extra cautious not to claim such beliefs. I did express my grand/special status within Army, but it was in connection with the PMA incident. I never expressed that I was some important religious figure. Despite all this I was labeled Imam Mahdi by the psychiatrists.
In 2005, I became obsess with the names. I thought that names as some sort of code words used by bad people for their advantage. I expressed the opinion to one officer that it was not necessary that the name of Imam Mahdi would be Abdullah. I visualized that people will groom some person with that name and declare him Imam Mahdi. To same officer I also expressed the opinion that Pervez Musharraf was Dajjal. Perevez Musharraf was then COAS and President of Pakistan. This was mainly because of his name and position. I also discussed the concept of Imam Mahdi with one Ismaili junior officer. He told me that they believe that one of their imams, who passed away long before, as Imam Mahdi. I expressed their idea with the same officer. I never claimed myself to be Imam Mahdi. When I was in hospital none of these points arose in discussion with the psychiatrists. The officer told me that he along with another officer met with the psychiatrists and the other officer told them that Badar had become too religious lately and started giving prophecies. When in 2009, I asked the second officer about it, he told me that no such meeting ever took place! It was the first officer who had told all that. But psychiatrist did not discuss any of the point and declared me as Imam Mahdi. God knows what the might have written in the name of second officer in the papers! Had the second officer told something, he would have taken name of my grandfather as I discussed some aspects of his life. At that time, I was mainly reading Urdu translation of Holy Quran and offering prayers, mostly three, in my room. Beside Dajjal I only remember one prophecy that I gave in connection with the ‘list’ of officers.
After concluding my grandfather to be Jesus Christ (PBUH), I started looking for possible Imam Mahdi as I was considering different End of World scenarios. My grandfather used to wear Jinnah Cap. I came on conclusion that the name of Imam Mahdi would be Muhammad Ali. According to some hadiths his name would be Muhammad or Ahmad. So my initial choice for Imam Mahdi was Muhammad Ali Jinnah, the founder of Pakistan. The September 11 terrorist attacks were also in my mind. They coincided with the death anniversary of Jinnah. I thought that they were a message to both America and Pakistan. It was partially with these feeling in my mind that I wrote in mess register to remove the portrait of Allama Iqbal. There were both the portraits of Jinnah and Allama Iqbal hanging in the mess. Moreover I came to imagine Allama Iqbal as a Jew or infidel in disguise. The psychiatrists did not ask any question about this incident, though the Commandant of the workshop asked me about it.
I used to collect stamps as a boy. Then all of a sudden, a postage stamp started flashing in my mind. It was of Maulana Muhammad Ali Jauhar who also used to wear Jinnah Cap, with the mark of crescent and star. I thought that he foretold about the creation of Pakistan by this symbol. I thought that he used the Khilafat Movement to filter people with strong faith. Moreover he wished that he be buried in Jerusalem. This place is sacred for Jews, Christians and Muslims. The body was carried to Jerusalem and buried in the place of the Prophets.
His death was followed by Hitler’s rise to power and WW II that I used to consider as Armageddon. Then Pakistan came into being in 1947 and Israel in 1949, two states created on the name of religion. These and some other facts convinced me that Maulana Muhammad Ali Jauhar was Imam Mahdi. Had the psychiatrists uttered any thing about Imam Mahdi, I would have taken his name. In my personal collection of quotations I have two quotations by Maulana Muhammad Ali Jauhar which indirectly reflect my belief.
I do not know why the psychiatrists choose to label me as Imam Mahdi. I think they needed a strong point for paranoid schizophrenia. They relied on external sources. I did have that disease. While Muslims think that Jesus Christ (PBUH) will assist Imam Mahdi in his Second Coming, many Christians think that Imam Mahdi will be anti-Christ. I visualized that I might be labeled as anti-Christ in future! I also thought that they wanted to put me under some sort of pressure in future life. They wanted to avoid some facts of my life as I mentioned in one of my previous post.