The admission that I considered my grandfather to be Jesus Christ (PBUH) was perhaps my biggest statement. I came upon the conclusion rather suddenly and remained extremely secretive about it. I did not express it from my mouth until I got admitted in hospital. Firstly I expressed this opinion to my father in August 2005. I thought he knew that. He replied, Woo khuda ke naik bande thai meaning “He was a pious man of God.” Then I expressed the same opinion to the head of the Department of Mental Health sometime in early 2006. I did not mention any reasons neither he asked for some. I had developed few reasons for this belief that I will narrate.
First of all was his supreme sacrifice by drowning himself in the river. His suicide coincided with my aptitude tests for induction in Army. Fortunately his body was recovered and he was buried in his native village. He had given me my name. He had confided to my father that he wanted to see me as an officer. Yet he opted not to see the result. The coincidence did not bother me at that time. From end 2004 past events started flashing in my mind and this was most prominent. I thought that he wanted to make his death public. I thought that he might have been ordered by Allah to lay his life in this way. His suicide note contained varied opinion about his children and children in law. I thought he could foresee the future. During my interview at Kohat, both the GTO and psychologist were also present. The interviewer has some sort of veto power unless a person has strong recommendation from other two. The presence of the other two indicated that I had strong recommendation of both and they did not want the interviewer to avail the veto power. I thought that my grandfather had been under some sort of surveillance and that I was selected because of him. I thought that people got panicked by his sudden suicide. This was quickly followed by PMA incident that I mentioned in detail in pervious two posts. Then the death of two cadets in 1997 at PAF Academy, especially a Christian, was also in my mind.
Then there were date of births within the family. My father has 4 July which is American Independence Day. Because of this I am a bit pro-American. My mother’s unofficia date of birth is 14 August, the Independance Day of Pakistan. I have 6 September which is Defense Day of Pakistan. I am pro FM Muhammad Ayub Khan due to this fact. Two of my brothers have 13 February (1 day off to Valentine’s Day) and 2 July. One of my sisters has 2 January (1 day off to New Year day). Two of my cousins have 25 December (Christmas) and 22 March (1 day off to Pakistan Day). I thought that our family was under close watch because of this. I had the most prominent date of birth and equally heavy name. The battle of ‘Badar’ is the first battle Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) fought against the non believers and prevailed.
His physical features and his handling of Holy Quran were also in my mind when I concluded that he was Jesus Christ (PBUH). He was of medium height and had broad shoulders. He was bit dark in complexion. I believed that, at some point of time, our grandfather was replaced by Jesus Christ (PBUH) as it happened before crucifixion according to Islamic point of view. Moreover he sometimes used to put the Holy Quran right on the floor besides his chair. Some may point it out as a disrespect of the Holy Book; it meant two things for me. Firstly as Jesus Christ (PBUH) preceded Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) he had the right to do such an act. Secondly it meant that Holy Quran may contain some perversion.
These were the main reasons for concluding my grandfather to be Jesus Christ (PBUH) in 2005. In 2009, during my second psychotic phase, I added two more reasons. I was reading Urdu translation of “Stories of Prophets” by Imam Imaduddin Abul-Fida Ismail Ibn Kathir. In the Chapter of Jesus Christ (PBUH) there is a lengthy hadith on pages 649-650, in which Allah addresses Jesus Christ. The translation of concerned portion is, “Oh Jesus! In end times you will look after them [Muslims] as Prophet Zakariyya [Zechariah] had looked after your mother and for that two children from his [Prophet Muhammad] followers will bear witness to it.” I thought myself to be one of the children. It is a far cry to consider oneself a child at 28 but I behaved like a child because of my illness. This hadith also shows that there will be a considerable dispute about the true identity of Jesus Christ (PBUH) in end times.
The second reasons concerned the Holy Quran. I was reading the Holy Quran that my grandfather used to read. It has an Urdu translation by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi and I was basically reading the translation. While reading Surah Bani Isra’il I spotted an extraordinary thing. My grandfather had struck out the following verse and put a cross on the margin.
Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. (17:23)
Ideally he should have underlined it. My grandfather is not alive to mention any reason. I thought that it meant two things. Either the verse was a false one or became invalid at present times. God knows better.
My grandfather never expressed the opinion that he was someone special. I thought he deliberately avoided that for some reasons. His family is not a religious one. My initial assessment was that he has set the stage for the final battle between good and evil forces i.e. Armageddon as mentioned in my previous post. In later part of my thinking I came upon the conclusion that perhaps WWII was Armageddon, in which he participated, though in minor capacity. Thinking of him as Jesus Christ (PBUH) remains one of resilient point of my delusional thinking.