This is in continuation of my earlier post i.e. Five Facts. It is about the second incident that occurred in PMA, Kakul. This is an ideal case in which I will narrate how I came from rational thinking to delusional thinking. The “list” was the main source of delusions of both grandeur and persecution.
When I first heard of the “list” from a fellow officer I did not make any comments. Then I started giving more thoughts to it. When SM Farman became AWOL, there were 5 long courses in PMA i.e. from 94 to 98 PMA Long Course. I was in first term at PAF Academy, Risalpur. The news must have spread like a wild fire in PMA, yet it did not travel to PAF Academy, at least to my ears. Then it must have been in the air that he might be a possible Indian spy. In my opinion, many cadets knew about it and kept the news in a limited circle. Then it must have spread in upper courses especially those that have done passing out rehearsals under SM Farman. I have no idea since how long he was in PMA and how many courses he supervised. I clearly remember that a civilian, who was not a great friend of mine, asked me whether I had joined the parade or not. Clearly my name was associated with that incident and the news was in civil circles too. There were 2 cadets living nearby my home at that time, even they did not mention it to me. For G-52, non PAF cadets did not have the passing out parade. Some cadets made pinching remarks by saying that I had not undergone a single passing out parade and becoming an officer. They expected that I would retaliate by mentioning the incident but I never knew about that through any channel. I usually remained silent. I think it was better I never knew about it in my cadet life. While the passing out parade is a momentous occasion in a cadet’s life, standing out of it unwillingly became “the event of my life”.
I first envisioned that the list was prepared by keeping in view an eventual showdown with Pakistan. India would thrust Pakistan into war at some suitable time and prepare her strategy by making full use of the list. I first imagined that he (SM Farman) might have been grilled on keeping me out of the parade and then he decided to defect to India. Gradually I started thinking how he might have prepared the list. He might have listed each cadet and his possible future potential.
On our passing out, there were no Long Course, so SM Farman was dealing with relatively less strength. He could not make every cadet stand out in turn and observe that who requested and in what way. Obviously he used other methods. This is what I could make out. He used to observe who is putting less effort and shouted their names or asked their names from other staff supervising the parade. Then he used to give punishment calls and observe that how the concerned cadet responded. There might be other tactics too. He might have recruited other staff for the purpose too. Nobody knew that he was an Indian spy. People who had undergone passing out rehearsals i.e. 93 Long Course and earlier can comment more about it.
Then gradually I realized that it was very difficult for a single man to judge a complete Long Course (about 400) in a matter of few weeks. Fighting an all out war is not a small undertaking. Why India might have been interested in preparing such a list? Why he singled out me from the start? I had not that bad parading standard. Why I was kept in dark about it for 8 years? These questions led me to develop a second “conspiracy theory” that I will discuss in next post.