Three Hallucinations

No comments

These are the three visual hallucinations that I experienced in 2009. Visual hallucinations are one of the main symptoms of schizophrenia. They were the main cause of the second psychotic phase. I don’t have any religious/political agenda. I just want to explain how I came from rational thinking to delusional thinking. I don’t have two brains. I do not want to psychologically paralyze anyone by meaning that the Last Hour is near or it is on some specific date. I remained psychologically paralyzed for one and half years when things did not happen the way I anticipated.

(1)   It was end January or early February 2009. I don’t remember the exact date. It was after 2nd sessionals and before the finals. I came out of the house to go to the College. That day, my father was accompanying me. At a turn, I noticed that the sun is not at its normal position. It was not actually north but it was sufficiently offset to draw my attention. I mentioned it to my father. He said that you might have seen and told me to forget about it. After the turn sun was at my back. After getting into the wagon I again looked at sun. It was at its normal position. Firstly I remained secretive about it. But after experiencing second clear visual hallucination I started to talk about it with my other family members and friends. Rising the sun from west is a major sign of Last Hour. I was not specifically looking for sun on that day. This is what I experienced it and it was the most inappropriate time to experience that! I must admit that it was during my first psychotic phase in 2005 that I was expecting sun to rise from west on some important date .i.e. 4 July (American Independence day and date of birth of my father), 14 August (Pakistan Independence day and unofficial date of birth of my mother) or 6 September (my date of birth).

(2)   While I was able to digest my first experience and took the final exams, the second experience shook me off the ground. It accelerated my entry into the second psychotic phase. It was very clear experience. While I was standing in the College, an officer whom I had known previously passed by me. I saw on his name plate and it read MAZHAR. This was not his first name and I did not know his complete name. I thought it might be his second name. While I looked up I noticed another thing. His shoulder titles that should have been EME (Electrical and Mechanical Engineering) read AEC (Army Education Corps). I immediately realized that I have experienced another visual hallucination. It was mid April. Was it April Fool by God? Earlier I used to judge people based mainly on their names. I thought that it meant that second name is as important or there is some credibility in my earlier thoughts/delusions. I won’t go into the detail of good and bad names. It was too complicated and varied across Forces, castes and sects. I thought the names to be some sort of code words used by bad people for their advantage. Even American visa system does some screening based on names.

(3)     The third experience occurred in July 2009. While I was watching TV along with my younger brother, I noticed the news line and it read in Urdu “Earthquake shocks in Islamabd, Peshawer and Sargodha.” I mentioned it to my brother and he said that nothing of such sort was written. Ideally I should have experienced the earthquake under my own feet too. In evening a friend of my younger brother came. I expressed my opinion that there were earthquake shocks that day. He expressed complete surprise. Then I started thinking that I had been foretold about it. Convinced that even my Google searches are being monitored, I did searches for terms like “Earthquake Sargodha”. Finally such an earthquake did came in end October.

While many people may be surprised about them, visual hallucinations are an important symptom of schizophrenia. I did not experience any hallucination in my first psychotic phase in 2005. When I thought I have recovered completely, I experienced them and went into second psychotic phase.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s